Watching Mama die

The ETT is left in place but the ventilator is gone, along with the noise. The room is silent, the nurses motions are slow, gentle and hushed. Morphine has been given to allay any pain or air hunger.

The lights are dim.

In the distance the noise of the ER has receded like the dull roar of the surf, heard only faintly in the subconscious. All that matters is here, Grandmother to twelve, mother to four, beloved wife. Collapsed suddenly at lunch, CT shows brain full of blood, no hope of recovery or any sort of meaningful life the family has chosen to let her go.

The children and elderly husband have gathered at the bedside, silent tears rolling down their cheeks.

on the monitor, which is turned away from the families view the spikes grow further and further and further apart until they stop.

The doctor pronounces time of death and expresses her condolences. The family wants to know if she knew what happened and did she suffer. We tell her that we don't think so, the injury to her brain was so sudden and devastating that she probably didn't know what happened.

The family says their good byes and leaves. The nurse removes the tubes and IV's and prepares the body for the funeral home. While she works her own tears fall, her own mother is aging and someday in the future she knows she will on the other side of the bed. Plus it is very difficult to see other peoples grief and anguish and remain untouched.